HAM IS A MAN'S BEST FRIEND

I have heard a new commercial on the radio. It is in the style of those that tell us that we need to give gold and diamonds to express our love for the ladies in our lives. The music swells and the lady narrator proclaims to express your love to a man ... to dazzle him ... a woman should give him a ... ham.

A HAM! Now I remember in my younger days, reading from Murphy's Reader the story of why the sea is salt. The hero trades the King of the Gnomes something that apparently the creatures cannot resist for a magic mill. I bet you already know what was the hero's bargining chip. That's right ... HAM! Now ever since reading that tale, there has always been a special place for ham in my heart ... ah ... I mean stomach.

But does this seem fair that women get diamonds and men get a ham. Is this what is on any of our Christmas lists. I mean if you were sitting on Santa's lap right now, would the first words out of your mouth would be "Ham." We are not stunted men with an overriding pork flesh lust. Let me state emphatically, catagorically and absolutely undeniable, that in no possible way, shape, and form, in this or in any other universe, I do not want a ham hock for the holidays!

I want two.